Narcissistic Abuse in the Picture?
You may be suffering domestic abuse if…
You are constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid your partner getting angry
He/she tells you what to wear, who to see, where to go
He/she pressures you to have sexual contact when you don’t want to
He/she is puts you down or calls you names
He/she checks your phone, emails and social networking
He/she stops you seeing your friends and family
He/she is excessively jealous or possessive of you
He/she uses any physical violence or force on you like hitting, pushing, kicking, pinching, throwing or smashing things
He/she is loving and caring one minute but extremely aggressive the next
You may be being abusive in your relationship if…
You try to control or tell your partner what to wear, who to see, where to go
You pressure your partner to have sexual contact when they don’t want to
You put her/him down or call her/him names
You checks her/his phone, emails and social networking
You stop her/him seeing her/his friends and family
You are jealous or possessive of your partner
You use any physical violence or force on your partner like hitting, pushing, kicking, pinching, throwing or smashing things
You feel loving and caring towards your partner one minute but extremely aggressive and angry towards them the next
Red Flags are signs patterns of behavior which may be an indicator of a dangerous partner
- “Too Much” or “Too Fast”
- Too much emotionality and too much anger
- Too much lack of empathy or remorse
- Too much thrill seeking behavior
- Too much instability in work or relationships
- Too much self focus and too much interest in their own abilities
- Too perfect or too good to be true is indicative of hiding great secrets
- Too vague about details
- Poor treatment of service staff
- They talk ugly about former relationships or others
- Their frustration level is consistently low
- They are like a chameleon and behave differently with different people
Are You Being Stalked?
You may be if someone is:
- Repeatedly following or spying on you
- Repeatedly calling your home and/or work
- Repeatedly sending unwanted e-mails, letters, faxes
- Leaving unwanted gifts or items for you to find
- Vandalizing or damaging your property
- Threatening you or someone close to you
- Repeatedly showing up for no legitimate purpose at places where you are
Many people believe stalking only happens to celebrities or between strangers. Stalking is a crime that can happen to anyone, and often victims know who their stalkers are. We understand that being a victim of stalking is terrifying, and stalking can interrupt your life at home, at work, and at school, and affect your relationships with your friends, family, and coworkers.You may feel afraid for your life and that you have no privacy or no place to turn. If the above experiences are part of your life, you can find help in your community.
What is Intimate Partner Violence?
A Dangerous Partner is any person who can cause damage to their partner’s emotional, physical, financial, sexual, or spiritual health
Forms of Abuse:
Emotional Abuse and Emotional Manipulation
- Has your partner insisted that anything you wanted for yourself was selfish and/or wrong?
- Is affection withheld to “punish” you for any violations of their rules?
- Are you intimidated you in any way?
- Has anyone been threatened, if/when you left?
- Does your partner make you feel afraid, or like you needed to be “careful” around them?
- Do you ever feel like you are walking on eggshells?
- Are you forced to ask for money, or does it seem like your money is completely funneled to your partner?
- Does your partner have control of the family finances, so you didn’t even know what or when money was being spent?
- Does your partner prevent you from taking a job you wanted, or going to school?
- Does your partner force you, either directly or through manipulation, to quit a job you had?
- Does your partner make jokes about their treatment of you, insists that they never did anything to hurt you, or blame you for their behavior?
- Does your partner ever make you do things you felt were wrong or illegal?
- Do you questions your choices and beliefs regularly?
- Do you feel as though you have gone crazy?
- Does your partner ever belittle your beliefs, or tell you that your faith is wrong?
- Have you stopped participating in your spiritual activities?
- Does your partner make you leave social gatherings, or restrict your contact with your friends or family?
- Do you feel trapped and alone?
- Does your partner make you feel guilty or ashamed about yourself, your feelings, your beliefs, or anything else that makes you a unique individual?
- Has your partner humiliated you in front of other people, including your friends or family?
Domestic Violence or IPV is not a single incident or even a series of incidents.
It is essentially a pattern of behavior designed to achieve power and control over a partner or ex-partner, which is achieved through the use of physical, sexual, psychological and financial abuse or through movement restriction and/or social isolation. It is usually a combination of all of these – and is widespread throughout every socioeconomic group. Domestic abuse can be experienced by both women and men, and also occurs in same-sex relationships.
What do I do Next?
What is a Safety Plan?
A plan created by a domestic violence victim or survivor, often with the help of an advocate, that considers options for leaving an abusive partner or creates an action plan for a victim in the event of another incident. If you are experiencing domestic abuse, we would urge you to get some help from professionals to help keep you safe. Some other things to consider are:
- Arrange where you might go if you have to leave urgently.
- Find places where you can quickly and safely use the phone.
- Always carry a list of numbers with you in case of an emergency.
- Try to save money so that you have bus or taxi fares in an emergency.
- Get an extra set of keys for the house / car.
- Keep the keys, money and anything else you may need in a safe place, should you have to leave quickly.
- Talk to your children. Let them know it’s not their fault. Children do not have to see violence or abuse to be affected by it. They hear it, sense it and can be sad and frightened by it.
- Talk to friends, relatives, your doctor, nurse or others about how you feel.
This book is foundational – based on real life experience in a Silicon Valley divorce that ended with the author writing her own winning brief in the Court of Appeals. Narcissists take you far, but you can win. This is the story. Write your own ending to your
Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life — all cultures, all genders, all income groups, all ages, all religions. They share feelings of helplessness, isolation, guilt, fear, and shame.
*Some content courtesy of http://www.batteredmen.com/